Turning one over, that is. I realize I have attempted to do that before several times on this blog and not stuck with it. It is my goal to not repeat that.
I've created a new schedule for myself and new rules. I was pondering-as I often have before-about my eating disorder/food addiction, wondering, why? Why can't I just eat what I want? Why can't I just not gain any more weight? Why does it even matter what size I am or what I look like? Why can't I just eat what I want?!?!?! The answer to this last question, the main question, struck me instantly, when by the prompting of the Holy Ghost I wondered how I would feel if a loved one asked me that same question about themselves, only they had a drug addiction or were an alcoholic or anything else that people struggle with. The answer was so simple. "Because it's not good for you."
Shouldn't I want to take care of myself? Shouldn't I actually do it? Should I give into my carnal desires and just eat and eat and eat even though I'll gain weight, have lower self esteem, clogged arteries, etc? No.
I got up this morning at 6:30 and jogged on the treadmill and showered before Ellie woke up. Jacob was awake but at least he's fine on his own while I shower. I even made Mike's sandwich for his lunch! I started keeping track of what I eat again today. I started Weight Watchers again. I haven't been writing down what I eat because I know if I do that, I will see just how much I'm really eating and not want to eat it but, I want to eat it so badly, I've been making a very bad choice and not paying attention so that I'll feel like I'm not accountable and can eat whatever I want!
Well, I've got to go start dinner so I don't have time to proofread this. Hope it's all good and makes sense and please, keep me in your thoughts and hearts. I feel really good about my new schedule of exercising and my new rules of eating. :)
3 comments:
Goog luck, Katie! It always hard to start and new plan, but feels so good when kept up.
Good for you Katie. You and your mom have been on my mind. It sure does feel good when you do the right thing. Then it seems so easy and you ask yourself "why do I fight this" Yet we still do and sometime still fight it even though we know that we will be happier if we just do the right thing. Life is so funny sometimes. Keep it up and remember how good it feels when you are treating yourself the way the Lord wants you to be treated.
Katiebug, I am proud of your resolve and grateful we have you and your family here with us.
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