Un-learning

Well, I must say that it is very tough trying to rid myself of uncorrect beliefs that I have learned from the world. For instance, that a woman is only attractive if she is skinny. Now, I know this to not be true when looking at women other than myself, but when I look at myself not even the skinniest will do! I've never actually been happy with my body as skinny and in shape as I've previously been! Realizing that through all the changes my body has been through I've never been satisfied or thought I looked 'right' is very enlightening. But it sure is hard to just accept my body for whatever it may be. Yes I am trying to stay healthy and exercise, but before I can really focus on eating healthy, I need to learn how to not keep things off limits. I need to get over the feeling that only sweets are yummy and desirable and vegetables are things you eat to be skinny. Once I learn how to deal with food and not be afraid of it, my outlook and cravings will be different.

This is also very hard to do because I am a compulsive overeater. Right now I am so happy and eating whatever I want not being afraid of it, but then I noticed that I've gained weight and then I overeat, because I don't know how to deal with the feelings that I'm getting 'fat' or 'shouldn't' be eating these things!! Part of helping that is to buy clothes that fit and are comfortable. Dressing myself in a way I feel pretty and self confident. Unfortunately this can be expensive. But I am searching out deals because I am determined to be happy!

I would love to learn to love myself no matter what, even if it means being overweight, and not be afraid of food all my life! I will have so much less stress!!

Although, do you ever notice that when one thing is relieved another comes along? Our car wouldn't start this morning and I have no idea why! I'm working on figuring that out. Wish me luck!

I want all of you that read this blog to know that I am very grateful for you for reading my babbling. It is the only way I can get my feelings out is to 'talk' until there's nothing left...which is not very often. :)

I truly know that however this new approach to eating affects me that it is an answer to my prayer for help. I know that what I am doing is good for me and that eventually I will only eat out of hunger and be able to listen to what it is that my body needs to eat, not what binge food I'm craving.

And besides, if I love chocolate and cakes and sweets, and just love eating in general, and everyone can see it, is that really so bad as long as I'm healthy? If you look at it from the world's point of view, yeah, maybe. From Heavenly Father's point of view, I don't think so.