Friday, June 27, 2008
Eggs In The City
We got up early and headed to Salt Lake this morning so that we could see the Grahams for breakfast. Unfortunately Mike could not take the morning off work so he didn't get to come. We went to a nice little place called 'Eggs in the City'. They had cute pictures of eggs all around the city. It was very casual and Jacob and Kaitlin were so happy to see each other! It was awesome to visit, it's just too bad we didn't have time to play Settlers!! Here are some pictures. Of course, I always take pictures because that means I'll have more to scrapbook! :)
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Scared the crap out of me!! (not literally, eww!)
This morning I was taking a shower before church while everyone else was still sleeping...or so I thought. Jacob ran in so fast it seemed as though he was beamed in! "Mommy!!" he said, barely containing all his energy. "I got my second loose tooth out all by myself!!!!" He was jumping up and down by this point and was so cute! I 'alright'ed him and asked him where his tooth was. He said, "ummm, on a tissue in the garbage." So of course he had to go get it out. Now let's just hope that the Tooth Fairy doesn't forget to come!
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Phones are amazing!
These are some pictures from Mike's phone.
Jacob and Ellie at the aquarium (which is sad really, compared to what we're used to in CA)
One of Jacob's lovely prizes from Chuckee Cheese's
A beautiful mantle that Mike built!
Seahorse at same aquarium
An archway the Mike did.I can't believe the quality compared to my phone!!
HOT!
It's definitely getting hotter! It was around 94 today I think. We went to a mall where Mike sat with Jacob while he played at the 'playplace' and I did my walking. Yup, I just pushed Ellie in the stroller around and around and up and down until I had my 30 minutes. Then I sat with Jacob while Mike, well, basically he just hung out in the game store. Then we had a snack and Jacob rode the carousel.
We also went to dinner at the Brick Oven with my parents. I love their pasta bar! This awesome balloon guy was there who could make over 300 different things! He also had some pictures of life size things he's made including optimus prime, the Halo 3 guy, and Mario! I saw kids in the restaurant with Ariel, a train, a princess (with a full dress), ninja turtle, a totally cool alien with ray gun, and Jacob chose optimus prime (not life size obviously).
Ellie only got one nap today and the poor little girl was so tired on the way home! She *rarely* falls asleep in the car. My little cutie pie!!
Turning over a new leaf
I battle Depression. Just so it is out in the open. It is not 'the blues' or something I can 'snap out of'. I wish! :) I am still trying to get to a place where I can truly enjoy life all the time and I appreciate everyone's help! I want everyone to know that I want to laugh and hang out and play and all that fun stuff-it's just hard to get started. I feel I always want to hide away by myself, even though deep down I really don't want to! So please don't let my exterior make you feel like I don't want to interact with people, I really really do! I love you all.
I am really going to try to get out and do things and invite people to do things because I'm sick of feeling like no one likes me-because *I* don't go anywhere!! Silly, I know, but that's just kind of how depression works in your mind.
Reading other people's blogs has really helped me see what I'm missing out on and I'm so thrilled about that!
Love,
Katie
I am really going to try to get out and do things and invite people to do things because I'm sick of feeling like no one likes me-because *I* don't go anywhere!! Silly, I know, but that's just kind of how depression works in your mind.
Reading other people's blogs has really helped me see what I'm missing out on and I'm so thrilled about that!
Love,
Katie
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Personality
Katie, your true color is Green!
You're green, the color of growth and vigor. Good-hearted and giving, you have a knack for finding and bringing out the best in people. Green is the most down-to-earth color in the spectrum — reliable and trustworthy. People know they can count on you to be around in times of need, since your concern for people is genuine and sincere. You take pride in being a good friend. For you, success is measured in terms of personal achievement and growth, not by status or position. Rare as emeralds, greens are wonderful, natural people. It truly is your color!
You're green, the color of growth and vigor. Good-hearted and giving, you have a knack for finding and bringing out the best in people. Green is the most down-to-earth color in the spectrum — reliable and trustworthy. People know they can count on you to be around in times of need, since your concern for people is genuine and sincere. You take pride in being a good friend. For you, success is measured in terms of personal achievement and growth, not by status or position. Rare as emeralds, greens are wonderful, natural people. It truly is your color!
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Learning and Growing
Well I have definitely been learning by living the 'OO' way. (OO is Overcoming Overeating) I have also been GROWING!! Haha. Really though, I have learned a lot about why I want to eat the way I do, and how I feel when I eat the way I want to. I am also studying, trying to learn about how our bodies work so I can understand what is going on in there! I am currently reading "YOU On a Diet". Let me make clear that this is 'diet' in the way it was meant, as in, what you eat. Not a 'diet' as we think of it nowdays, to lose weight. I'm really trying to learn how to eat healthy, and how to eat so that my body works properly; also what happens and how it doesn't work properly when I put things in it that weren't meant to be there.
I've also been trying to learn more about a disease I have, depression. Some of you may not have known I suffer from this. Well, now you know! The more I learn about it the less ashamed I am that I have it. I have learned that it is actually a disease, not some imagined thing that I should just 'get over'. I recently read "The Ghost in the House" by Tracy Thompson about motherhood, raising children, and struggling with depression. It was a very emotional read for me and very enlightening. I will keep trying to find treatment that helps me as much as possible.
Until next time!
I've also been trying to learn more about a disease I have, depression. Some of you may not have known I suffer from this. Well, now you know! The more I learn about it the less ashamed I am that I have it. I have learned that it is actually a disease, not some imagined thing that I should just 'get over'. I recently read "The Ghost in the House" by Tracy Thompson about motherhood, raising children, and struggling with depression. It was a very emotional read for me and very enlightening. I will keep trying to find treatment that helps me as much as possible.
Until next time!
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Spring Times
Jacob graduated from preschool Thursday. Next year he will be in the Pre-K preschool class, as his birthday is 27 days too late for him to start Kindegarten this fall. Note that in the group photo he is the ONLY child that wouldn't wear his hat. Not only did he not wear it but he was pretty bratty and wouldn't even allow it to be under his seat! To his credit though, he did awesome during the whole rest of the presentation, even dancing and doing the dance moves to ABC Rock!
Nana and I took the kids to the Bean Science Museum by BYU. I think we had more fun than the kids. Also, I didn't realize that a Liger wasn't something made up for Napoleon Dynamite!
We started our garden this year! Also we planted a few flowers. We will have more planter boxes next season but we didn't want to overwhelm ourselves.
Nana and I took the kids to the Bean Science Museum by BYU. I think we had more fun than the kids. Also, I didn't realize that a Liger wasn't something made up for Napoleon Dynamite!
We started our garden this year! Also we planted a few flowers. We will have more planter boxes next season but we didn't want to overwhelm ourselves.
Friends
I am so glad Jacob's second cousins came to visit for a day! Jacob hasn't seem Taeve since they were both little babies! They bonded instantly and had so much fun!
Philosopher
Don't we all feel that we are philosophers deep down? I certainly do. It's sad that so many women and girls only think they are pretty if they are thin. Who said extra soft bigger curvy bodies aren't attractive? I am starting to change my view on this and it's wonderful! It's also sad that men and boys are feeling the same about themselves more and more. If they're not thin and muscular they're not attractive. Not true! I am really starting to question a lot of things I subconciously thought were true and seeing the truth. We all should do what we can as individuals to be healthy so that we can live long lives with our families, but what we can do is different for each person and changes as our lives change.
Now in trying to learn how to not overeat junk food and all food in general I have gained some weight. I knew this would happen but when it did I went into panic mode. I obviously still think I am fat and ugly when I gain weight even though I can see that other people are not. I was panicked about getting larger and so I did what I do when I freak out - I ate and ate!! So of course I gained some more weight. Now I can't seem to break this cycle of eating just to eat-again.
I'm going to try this meal plan for 4 days because you're supposed to lose 18lbs in that 4 days. I had to pay for it but if you're not satisfied you get your money back. I don't believe it will work but it sounds so fantastical I wanted to try. I know that after I stop eating that way some or all of the weight will come back. I am using it (if it works) as a launching pad to try and take care of myself better. After 'legalizing' all food I am now ready to start some self care. If I cared about myself more I wouldn't let myself eat junk until I had a stomachache every night, now would I? I wouldn't let my children do that, why should I let myself?
Something has come to my attention that I am very grateful for. And let me say that I am grateful it is JUST what I am about to explain and nothing more. Mike and I were eating Cafe Rio pork quesadillas last night for dinner. Mike said, "Now this is something I could just eat and eat. I could stop right now, but I just keep eating." I replied, "Because it's sooo good?!" He agreed.
I am very grateful for him to have this tiny glimpse of understanding about what I am going through. People that are not compulsive overeaters don't understand what we go through. Imagine if everything you ate that you liked you felt this way about? You just wanted to keep eating and eating and eating. Now it is more than it seems on the surface. It is more than food just tasting good. There are deep emotional reasons behind overeating just as there are behind alcoholism and other things. But on the surface, you feel so out of control because you just want more of that good taste.
I would never wish this upon anyone but I am very grateful to have my best friend, my husband, able to understand a little of what I feel.
Now in trying to learn how to not overeat junk food and all food in general I have gained some weight. I knew this would happen but when it did I went into panic mode. I obviously still think I am fat and ugly when I gain weight even though I can see that other people are not. I was panicked about getting larger and so I did what I do when I freak out - I ate and ate!! So of course I gained some more weight. Now I can't seem to break this cycle of eating just to eat-again.
I'm going to try this meal plan for 4 days because you're supposed to lose 18lbs in that 4 days. I had to pay for it but if you're not satisfied you get your money back. I don't believe it will work but it sounds so fantastical I wanted to try. I know that after I stop eating that way some or all of the weight will come back. I am using it (if it works) as a launching pad to try and take care of myself better. After 'legalizing' all food I am now ready to start some self care. If I cared about myself more I wouldn't let myself eat junk until I had a stomachache every night, now would I? I wouldn't let my children do that, why should I let myself?
Something has come to my attention that I am very grateful for. And let me say that I am grateful it is JUST what I am about to explain and nothing more. Mike and I were eating Cafe Rio pork quesadillas last night for dinner. Mike said, "Now this is something I could just eat and eat. I could stop right now, but I just keep eating." I replied, "Because it's sooo good?!" He agreed.
I am very grateful for him to have this tiny glimpse of understanding about what I am going through. People that are not compulsive overeaters don't understand what we go through. Imagine if everything you ate that you liked you felt this way about? You just wanted to keep eating and eating and eating. Now it is more than it seems on the surface. It is more than food just tasting good. There are deep emotional reasons behind overeating just as there are behind alcoholism and other things. But on the surface, you feel so out of control because you just want more of that good taste.
I would never wish this upon anyone but I am very grateful to have my best friend, my husband, able to understand a little of what I feel.
Saturday, May 17, 2008
A Visit From the Tooth Fairy
Jacob got his first loose tooth a couple of weeks ago and was so excited! Daddy wiggled it every day and then on Sunday the 13th, Jacob said he wanted Daddy to see if he could get it out, so he did! The tooth fairy left $1 under Jacob's pillow and Jacob said, "I didn't even wake up when the Tooth Fairy opened my door!" So cute...
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Eleanor turns 1!
Ellie turned 1 year old April 30th. We celebrated on Saturday! She had a very good time and even enjoyed opening her presents! She loved her xylophone, said "oh!' when she saw her new clothes, and made a happy squeak about her new doll! Enjoy the messy cake pictures!
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Un-learning
Well, I must say that it is very tough trying to rid myself of uncorrect beliefs that I have learned from the world. For instance, that a woman is only attractive if she is skinny. Now, I know this to not be true when looking at women other than myself, but when I look at myself not even the skinniest will do! I've never actually been happy with my body as skinny and in shape as I've previously been! Realizing that through all the changes my body has been through I've never been satisfied or thought I looked 'right' is very enlightening. But it sure is hard to just accept my body for whatever it may be. Yes I am trying to stay healthy and exercise, but before I can really focus on eating healthy, I need to learn how to not keep things off limits. I need to get over the feeling that only sweets are yummy and desirable and vegetables are things you eat to be skinny. Once I learn how to deal with food and not be afraid of it, my outlook and cravings will be different.
This is also very hard to do because I am a compulsive overeater. Right now I am so happy and eating whatever I want not being afraid of it, but then I noticed that I've gained weight and then I overeat, because I don't know how to deal with the feelings that I'm getting 'fat' or 'shouldn't' be eating these things!! Part of helping that is to buy clothes that fit and are comfortable. Dressing myself in a way I feel pretty and self confident. Unfortunately this can be expensive. But I am searching out deals because I am determined to be happy!
I would love to learn to love myself no matter what, even if it means being overweight, and not be afraid of food all my life! I will have so much less stress!!
Although, do you ever notice that when one thing is relieved another comes along? Our car wouldn't start this morning and I have no idea why! I'm working on figuring that out. Wish me luck!
I want all of you that read this blog to know that I am very grateful for you for reading my babbling. It is the only way I can get my feelings out is to 'talk' until there's nothing left...which is not very often. :)
I truly know that however this new approach to eating affects me that it is an answer to my prayer for help. I know that what I am doing is good for me and that eventually I will only eat out of hunger and be able to listen to what it is that my body needs to eat, not what binge food I'm craving.
And besides, if I love chocolate and cakes and sweets, and just love eating in general, and everyone can see it, is that really so bad as long as I'm healthy? If you look at it from the world's point of view, yeah, maybe. From Heavenly Father's point of view, I don't think so.
This is also very hard to do because I am a compulsive overeater. Right now I am so happy and eating whatever I want not being afraid of it, but then I noticed that I've gained weight and then I overeat, because I don't know how to deal with the feelings that I'm getting 'fat' or 'shouldn't' be eating these things!! Part of helping that is to buy clothes that fit and are comfortable. Dressing myself in a way I feel pretty and self confident. Unfortunately this can be expensive. But I am searching out deals because I am determined to be happy!
I would love to learn to love myself no matter what, even if it means being overweight, and not be afraid of food all my life! I will have so much less stress!!
Although, do you ever notice that when one thing is relieved another comes along? Our car wouldn't start this morning and I have no idea why! I'm working on figuring that out. Wish me luck!
I want all of you that read this blog to know that I am very grateful for you for reading my babbling. It is the only way I can get my feelings out is to 'talk' until there's nothing left...which is not very often. :)
I truly know that however this new approach to eating affects me that it is an answer to my prayer for help. I know that what I am doing is good for me and that eventually I will only eat out of hunger and be able to listen to what it is that my body needs to eat, not what binge food I'm craving.
And besides, if I love chocolate and cakes and sweets, and just love eating in general, and everyone can see it, is that really so bad as long as I'm healthy? If you look at it from the world's point of view, yeah, maybe. From Heavenly Father's point of view, I don't think so.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
BITTERSWEET
Sweet. It's happening I can feel it. I am overcoming overeating. I am so excited and thrilled and happy!! And yet, so sad and dissapointed in a strange way. It has been said that with recovery from any addiction comes 'loss' and you have to mourn that loss. Well, now I believe it.
I can finally eat completely normal again after being sick for days and most everything I considered eating just didn't sound good. (This did start before the sickness also). It's like I don't really know what I like to eat and am having to figure it out now. Also, do I really like eating anymore? Sometimes, not always. Sometimes I just am hungry and have to decide on something! I will paraphrase an excerpt from Overcoming Overeating, 'When offered a piece of cake (or certain type of food) someone replying "No thanks I'm not hungry" or "No, I don't want that right now" sound completely foreign to a compulsive overeater.'
When I read that I so identified with it! It was unimaginable to me!! I had forgotten how to eat. I had forgotten how to know if I was hungry or not, and listen to my body! Now I'm starting to remember! I used to refuse to make cookies (or whatever) for a function because I didn't want to agonize and distract myself in order to not eat them! Tonight I made Mike cinnamon rolls for dinner before he got home and I never ate even one! I just didn't want one!!!!
So, now to the bitter part. I feel like I did when I had my conversion and there were certain friends that I still loved dearly, but didn't want to hang out with anymore. Not just because I 'shouldn't' but because it made me uncomfortable and I could tell the Spirit would (or wanted to) leave. I was very happy, happier than I had ever been in life, but sad to lose those friends.
I feel like by not turning to food for every emotion I have and binging, and sometimes not even wanting to eat, that I'm losing a friend. Like I'm losing companionship. Sad, yes, but true.
Well, I know so far that I like yogurt, oranges, sometimes sweets like doughnuts and candy, cereal, taquitos, Cafe Rio quesadillas....I will continue to learn!
Like I said before I most likely will gain some weight (I'm not weighing myself) while 'coming down' off of a dieting lifestyle because sometimes I eat more than I know I need because I'm physched that I'm actually letting myself eat it but, I have faith that as I learn how to listen to my body, and get back to exercising (cut out because I was too sick), my body will stablize at it's 'natural weight' whatever that may be, and I won't have to worry about it. I just am so happy to be free of feeling like I have to look a certain way or wear a certain size or eat a certain way!!!
FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!!
I can finally eat completely normal again after being sick for days and most everything I considered eating just didn't sound good. (This did start before the sickness also). It's like I don't really know what I like to eat and am having to figure it out now. Also, do I really like eating anymore? Sometimes, not always. Sometimes I just am hungry and have to decide on something! I will paraphrase an excerpt from Overcoming Overeating, 'When offered a piece of cake (or certain type of food) someone replying "No thanks I'm not hungry" or "No, I don't want that right now" sound completely foreign to a compulsive overeater.'
When I read that I so identified with it! It was unimaginable to me!! I had forgotten how to eat. I had forgotten how to know if I was hungry or not, and listen to my body! Now I'm starting to remember! I used to refuse to make cookies (or whatever) for a function because I didn't want to agonize and distract myself in order to not eat them! Tonight I made Mike cinnamon rolls for dinner before he got home and I never ate even one! I just didn't want one!!!!
So, now to the bitter part. I feel like I did when I had my conversion and there were certain friends that I still loved dearly, but didn't want to hang out with anymore. Not just because I 'shouldn't' but because it made me uncomfortable and I could tell the Spirit would (or wanted to) leave. I was very happy, happier than I had ever been in life, but sad to lose those friends.
I feel like by not turning to food for every emotion I have and binging, and sometimes not even wanting to eat, that I'm losing a friend. Like I'm losing companionship. Sad, yes, but true.
Well, I know so far that I like yogurt, oranges, sometimes sweets like doughnuts and candy, cereal, taquitos, Cafe Rio quesadillas....I will continue to learn!
Like I said before I most likely will gain some weight (I'm not weighing myself) while 'coming down' off of a dieting lifestyle because sometimes I eat more than I know I need because I'm physched that I'm actually letting myself eat it but, I have faith that as I learn how to listen to my body, and get back to exercising (cut out because I was too sick), my body will stablize at it's 'natural weight' whatever that may be, and I won't have to worry about it. I just am so happy to be free of feeling like I have to look a certain way or wear a certain size or eat a certain way!!!
FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!!
The Davids
I can't say I'm torn, really. I want David Cook to win American Idol. What can I say, I'm a rock fan! But I also wouldn't mind if David Archuleta wins. Both of their performances tonight were so awesome!!! I had chills the whole time they were singing!!! Wow. What a wonderful talent to have! How can just hearing someone sing cause us to feel so deeply? You can convey such strong emotion through music that you cannot do any other way.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Mike's 28th Birthday!
This post is a little late. Mike's bday was on the 4th. We celebrated Luau style in lieu of going to Hawaii! :) Enjoy the pictures.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Weight
I wanted to make sure it was clear that I do expect to gain some weight before possibly losing some or just stablizing. I am not being naive about that and it is very scary. I would rather live and accept myself at not my 'ideal' weight and not have to deal with compulsive eating and the severe stress it brings, than diet, binge, diet, binge, for the rest of my life, trying to live and ideal weight that 'the world' made up for me.
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